John Lewis

He’s dependable, unbendable.  He’s lasting not expendable.
His range is comprehensive and his tables are extendable!

He’s laudable, affordable, his service is applaudable.
His kitchenware is stackable and therefore super-storable!

He’s reliable, so buyable, his value’s undeniable.
His perfect Parker Pen display is practically cry-able!

His shelving leaves me shivery.  His guarantee’s unquibbly,
and nothing ever quite compares to his punctual delivery!


Cambridge Gangsta


The sight of me will turn you mush-like.  

My pullover’s my pride and my ride is a pushbike.  

I cycle like the devil, speeding round for pure joy

In my jewel-encrusted cycle clips and hoodie made of corduroy. 

I always wear my safety vest with blinging neon stripe 

I’ve pimped my bike with uplights, some slippers and a pipe, 

And I cruise round town with the stereo I fling

In my basket, blasting out carols from Kings – man, those choirboys can sing!  


Oh! No! My baby is a Mango! 


It seems I’m not the only one – my poor friend Mary-Sue

Went through fifteen hours of labour just to pop out a pack of Danish Blue…

Oh!  No!  My baby is a mango!

He’ll never be Prime Minister or asked to join a quango…




Check out Poetcasting for some audio tracks of my work – – there are also loads of other excellent and entertaining poets there, so go browse!

There are some (older) tracks on myspace.

And some newer stuff on You Tube:


Click the logo below to see and hear the results of a commissioned poetry project. Fish, lonely planets, beards, Myspace, falling in Love – and Jesus…

Video Nation

For a video-recording of “Cambridgeshire” performed by Jude for the BBC’s Video Nation / RAW poetry project, click the picture – you will need Real Player…

“Football Tarts”

extract from “Football Tarts”

She’s match-fit, and she’s made-up, and she’s out to get her man,
a thin strip of puff pastry with a layer of thick fake tan,
jeans so tight and skinny you couldn’t fit a goalpost in,
hanging half way down her arse to show off her G-string more…

“Brackenbury Mummy”

extract from “Brackenbury Mummy”

They’re seen on every pavement, watch those Mummies go,
wiping spots of baby caviar off gucci babygros,
and their toddlers look so cute, in their shorts and Rayban shades
til they open their mouths and sound like William Hague… more…


extract from “Dancer”…

Figures of speech took my hands, started showing me
steps I’d never known, strung together flowingly.
Graceful phrases found me,
set me on my feet and twirled around me. more…

There’s no place like Homebase